Yup, I'm "that mother".

A whole new world opened up for us when Catherine turned five. She suddenly was very well behaved at restaurants, had a lot more patience for waiting in lines, and can easily skip naps. Unfortunately, this whole new world is gone pretty quickly when you throw a 20 month old into the mix. Maddie has always been pretty good about most outings. Last week I took both girls to Wal-Mart. I love stores that you can buy milk, a screwdriver, and a t-shirt from. The outing started pretty good. The girls were being quiet while I flew around the store grabbing everything that I needed. Maddie started to screech a bit as I was trying to pick out a birthday card for my dad. I decided that I need to get her the sparkle ball from the toy section to play with. We have used this ball several times and it works like a charm. We just replace it before we leave. Her screech immediately turned into a giggle as I handed the ball to her. Magic!! Things were going well until she threw the ball down the hallmark isle. She started screaming at the top of her lungs “BALL BALL BALL”. The ball had landed near an elderly woman’s feet. She bent over to pick it up and hesitated. “It’s dirty”. I tried my best not to yell at her “oh, that’s okay.” “BALL BALL BALL BALL.” She continued to hesitate “will you wipe it off for her?” Are you kidding me, lady??!! Give me the damn thing. I don’t care if she licks it as long as she stops screaming!!!

I made the mistake of taking another shopping trip yesterday. This time it was food shopping. I only need a couple of things so I thought I should get out pretty easily. I grabbed my number at the deli - #17 – they were on #6. This is in the middle of the day on a Tuesday! I raced around the store grabbing everything that I needed and came back to the deli. Four more to go before my turn. Maddie started to get antsy again. She started pinching me and kicking me. I decided that I had no choice but to take her out of the carriage. This went okay for a few minutes. She stood quietly near me and held my hand. She was looking up at everyone to see who might comment on how cute she is. When she didn’t get the attention she expected she ran over to the hamburger buns in front of the deli case. If you happened to get a squished hamburger bun from Market Basket in Lowell, I sincerely apologize. We finished up at the deli and made our way to the checkout line. I had to take Maddie out of the carriage again because I was getting assaulted. She was keeping herself busy with taking the tubs of cotton candy off the shelves and putting them back. I thought this might entertain her but then she bolted! I had to chase her into the next checkout line. I noticed a little girl behind us and said to Maddie “look how good that little girl is being. She is so cute. Do you want to sit in your seat and look at her?” “YA!” Maddie said. Great! As I was putting Maddie back into the carriage I turned to the line of people behind me and said “PLEASE just entertain her until I’m finished here!!”. They all laughed at me. Oh, she’s so funny….that crazy lady….she has no control over her kids. Nope, I don’t. Where was Catherine, you ask? Oh, she was sitting quietly in the back of the carriage watching the show. Let’s see….when Maddie is five Catherine will be 9. Four more years and we can shop ‘till we drop!

When life gives you lemons...

The poor economy has finally hit our household. Bill lost his job a couple of weeks ago. It has been a very stressful time for our family while he tries to find another job. I was feeling a little down yesterday as I pulled into our driveway after work. I walked into the house and …what the HECK??!! My kitchen was sparkling clean and dinner was being prepared. Bill made beef stir fry for dinner and even cut the zucchini up in fancy sticks (rather than the "rustic" chunks I usually make).

After I enjoyed my dinner I went into the bathroom to take a quick shower. The bathroom floor was immaculate. He managed to get the grout lines cleaner than I ever could. After my shower I told Bill that I was going to do some laundry. “I already did it and I cleaned the refrigerator too. Man, that needed it!” he said. Hold up – he managed to clean the kitchen, make dinner, clean the grout in the bathroom, AND take care of two small children? Look, I know when to wave my white flag. I am totally fine with bringing home the bacon and having hubby take care of the kids and house while I’m gone. Is it wrong to say that I might even really enjoy that?

I started to make a mental list of things that could be done the next day. I have some dry cleaning that needs to be dropped off and I would love the have the linen closet cleaned and organized. Oh, and what should he make for dinner? You can imagine my disappointment when he said that he has some work lined up for today. The linen closet may have to wait another day. That’s okay because there will be more laundry by then too.

Birthday Bling

Have you ever seen even a few minutes of MTV's "My Super Sweet 16"? If not, it is a show about these spoiled rich kids who plan these ridiculous parties for their 16th birthday. Their parents rent out a night club, hire Beyonce to sing happy birthday, and the night usually ends with the kid receiving a BMW (which they cried about not getting the whole show)

Well, this is quite similar to how a 5 year old's birthday party goes these days. Five is a pretty big milestone to kids and that is ALL they talk about in school. Catherine starting this a couple of months before her actual birthday. Every day she would come home and say things like "Tommy is NOT invited to my birthday party!!" "I told all the kids that they can come watch Monster Inc on your bed after my party". My personal favorite "I told all the girls in my class that they can go in the hot tub after my party". Gone are the days of the "home party" or the small party at a fast food restaurant. Remember that? I cannot even imagine what type of response you would get from the playgroup moms if you handed out invitations for little Johnny to have a birthday happy meal party.

Most of the parties are at "bouncy house" places. This has to be my least favorite party to attend. Catherine isn't too big on these and she spends the whole time sitting by my side (while I am thinking of the million other things I could be doing) These parties all cost around $300. That is not including the pizza, cake, and goodie bags full of stuff you will throw out when your kid isn't looking. I did give into Catherine a bit this year. She got to invite all her friends to a pool party at the local YMCA. The kids got to swim for an hour in the middle of March. I think it went over pretty well and it was fairly inexpensive. That is, until we got her a motorized BMW convertible.

Getting it together

I came to the realization last night that I’m not as great at this working mother thing as I thought I was. This thought occurred to me while I was watching Maddie play on the porch after her bath in nothing but a shirt. I was waiting for Bill to get back from CVS with diapers. We ran out in the morning and I had no clue. Oh, did I also mention that he was getting dog food? I’m embarrassed to admit that we actually ran out of that the day before. Don’t start dialing up the MSPCA. She’s fine. She eats all the kids’ sandwich crusts and doggy treats that Catherine gives her. She didn’t appear to be too hungry anyway.

I thought I had fully prepared for my busy week back at work. Bill had grilled up a bunch of meat for dinners for the week. I made sure the house was spotless and laundry was done on Sunday. All we needed to do was keep up with it during the week. Well, the plan was clearly not thought out well when I asked Catherine to be on “pee pee watch”. “Keep an eye on your sister and tell me if she pees on the floor”. What kind of mother am I? I don’t have a clue how to get this all accomplished. There is just not enough time in the day. I have another busy week at work coming up. Yes, I think I have enough diapers. Dog food? Perhaps.

Girl Day

One thing that I am learning as a parent is that plans are worthless. I was so excited about my new schedule at work. I am on a four day work week so I’m now home on Friday’s. I started calling this “girl day” since it’s just me & the kids. I make something special for their breakfast and I make it a point not the clean while they are awake. The day is all about fun. We play outside (weather permitting) and I let them dig in the dirt (and eat it in Maddie’s case). We make homemade pizza for dinner when Bill gets home.

Sounds great, right? I thought so and that is why I was completely shocked to hear “I hate girl day!” from the back seat of the mini van. One tired/cranky child can totally spoil a days plan. What really is there to hate? The chocolate chip pancakes? Oh, it must be all the time she spent on the swing set. Or maybe it was playing dolly with me & Maddie? I may never know. I try not to be offended. This is the same little girl who said “there are not enough butterflies here” when we visited THE BUTTERFLY PLACE in Westford. If you have not been there let me break it down for you – there are a million butterflies there!! Everywhere. They land on you. You will never see that many butterflies in your whole life combined.

My one saving grace of the day was when Bill got home. We made pizza together and then put the kids to bed. I was looking forward to ending “girl day” with the company of a man. I had the hot tub nice and hot and it was a beautiful night out. We sat on the couch with a glass of wine to relax for a few minutes while the kids were getting settled in for sleep. I was reading the paper and turned to Bill to say something (a very witty remark, I am quite sure!) and found him sound asleep!

Plan schman. I went to bed at 8:30pm that night. Girl’s day needs some work, I think.

Don't ask if you don't want the answer

Catherine has two imaginary friends. Scratch that. They are imaginary “mommies”. Should I be concerned about this? “Melissa” and “Jessie” are constantly asking Catherine to do things….go to the store, call them on their cell phone, etc. (Interesting how I can’t get her to anything for me!)

The other day I was looking at Catherine and I said “you are the cutest little girl. Where did you get that from? Was it from me?”. She looked at me, leaned over, and whispered in my ear “no, it’s from Jessie”.

Nice.

5 going on 16

Please note: names have been changed to protect the identity of the underage

Today I was unlucky enough to get a glimpse into the future of the dreaded TEENAGE YEARS! Catherine was in the other room and started yelling to me "Mommy, Amanda wants me and Tommy to come over for a play date". "Sure, that's fine" I reply. Then I heard her say something after that but I KNEW that she could not have just said that. I asked her to repeat it. "Then we're going to get naked!". Okay, I need to take a moment here. For those who don't know - she is FIVE. Barely five. Like, she just turned five a couple of weeks ago.

I am in shock and say "oh no you are NOT! Why do you think you're going to do that??!!". Catherine replied "Amanda said we'd take our clothes off in the bathroom together and then put them back on and have our play date." Now, I guess I probably did not handle this the right way because Catherine said "I never should have told you!". Are we already doing this already? Seriously? There really should be a parenting class on this or something. I was totally unprepared. It is a scary thing being a parent in the age of teen pregnancy and cybersexing (or whatever its called). If Maddie starts talking about a naked play date anytime soon we are moving to a deserted island!